While I was away, I was unfortunate enough to miss Comic Relief’s Red Nose day. So imagine my surprise when I was told that Lauren, who I have lavished praise on in the past, made an appearance, with none other than Tony Blair !!

If you’re not familiar with Lauren, or Catherine Tate (where have you been?) then you may want to watch the videos in my previous post. Anyway, check out the Prime Minister in action !!!

I happen to think My Blair can take up acting when he steps down as PM !! Very well done !

Thanks to Chxta for finding this brilliant video !!

I got this from here.

Climate change has been on every one’s lips this week, following the government sponsored report by Sir Nicolas Stern that in 50 years time, the economic effect of global warning will be a 20% drop in global GDP (gross domestic product). The UK government is trying to lead the rest of the world in tackling the issue, and armed with this report, they are trying to get other nations of the world to unite and tackle the problem.

There are murmurs of increasing taxation on air travel and petrol, and other measures to make us (the population) try and manage our carbon emissions. I think this approach is unfair and unworkable. The public transport system in the UK is currently expensive, unreliable and does not even exist in certain areas. For example, there is currently no way that I can use public transport to get to work, there is no bus route connecting both locations !! The only alternative is I walk for 15 minutes, take one bus, get off, take another bus, get off, walk for 20 minutes, and then I’m at work !! Now please tell me, why would I do that when it’s a 12 minute drive? I’d pay any tax grudgingly, but when push comes to shove, it makes more sense for me to use my car !!

Yesterday on TV, in “The Amazing Mrs. Pritchard” the fictional prime minister came up with a brilliant idea, for one day a week, no non essential car journey could be made. She met up with a lot of protests, but in the end, the idea was a success. Will this kind of thing work? I’m not sure. If it was done today, I’d probably work from home on that day. However, not all of us are lucky enough to be able to work from home. Again, it’s a short sighted solution to a long term problem.

Also, the popularity of carbon neutral schemes is increasing daily. Targetneutral.com allows you to offset your carbon emissions by you donating to causes that help to offset carbon emissions. I came across a ‘carbon neutral hosting service’ from a web hosting company called Rackspace, where they will ensure that the carbon emissions arising from powering your equipment is offset by sufficient tree planting. These are both brilliant ideas however:

1. They both require you or the company to pay for them.
2. What’s the point if the amount of carbon other people are emitting is increasing on a daily basis?

Don’t get me wrong, the more people who commit to schemes like this, the better. It’s at least better than doing nothing !! Firms like Rackspace are showing leadership in this arena, and hopefully, others will follow their lead.

It’s a tricky problem to tackle, but I believe there is only one way this problem can be solved. TECHNOLOGY.

TECHNOLOGY can be used to find a way of generating viable power without harming the environment. Technology can be used to power cars with electricity. Yes, electric or hybrid cars exist, but like most new technologies they are still expensive.

Richard Branson has caught on to this, and has decided that he will invest $3bn into developing renewable energy sources. It made the headlines, and he has been heralded as fighting the cause of the environmentalists. He’s a really smart man though. He’s seen a business opportunity, and with his company Virgin Fuels, aims to make a lot of money. If and when a renewable energy source is developed, the market for this product is MASSIVE.

So what can the government do? I think they should take a leaf out of Mr. Branson’s book, and invest in research. Pour money into the universities research centres, sponsor conferences, and look at ways of helping people who are already looking at developing technology. There’s a massive market for this, work towards co-ordination of people working on this, let them share information. There’s so much they can do !! Invest in public transport. More buses, more trains, but also more routes, linking more destinations together. If you want to force people to use public transport, at least make it useable !!

Not like Dave ‘The Chamelon’ Cameroun, who talks about the environment, but has no feasible ideas on how to tackle the problem, other than change the logo of the Conservative party to a tree scribbled by a 3 year old. The Labour party is whispering about taxing us, or taxing businesses to either offset, or discourage carbon emissions. Emissions trading works, but in the end, the customer will pay for this through higher prices for products. And the USA has decided to sit on its hands, claiming that there is nothing they can do.

At the very least, technology is a massive business opportunity. We owe it to our children to look after the planet, and leave it in a habitable state !!

EDIT: Interesting fact I picked up over the weekend. If every single light in the UK is turned off, guess what? China will make up for the difference in carbon emissions in 13 months !!!

A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation.

At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training.

When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. “I’m so glad you’re teaching me instead of him.”

Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was.
“Yes,” she said, “but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around really smart people.”

A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, Dr. Wilson said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone.”Fine,” I said. “I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn’t have?”

“It wasn’t a boy,” replied Dr. Wilson.

The scene: the Sky bar at the Mondrian Hotel, Hollywood, on Monday night where Adidas is hosting a party. Among the guests are several Premiership footballers, Stevie Wonder, Snoop Dogg and Tony Blair. The prime minister sips a cocktail while admiring the view. Snoop Dogg approaches.

Snoop Dogg: Yo, Blair.

Tony Blair: You know, I really wish people would stop saying that, it’s just … oh, hello. Puff Daddy, is it?

SD: Call me Snoop.

TB: Always changing your names, you lot. Can’t keep up.

SD: Fo’ shizzle ma nizzle.

TB: Hmm.

SD: Dat middle east bizzle is out of control.

TB: Well, it not quite as simple as that, you see.

SD: Need a immediate ceasefire, multinational security force in South Lebanon, political framework for a lasting settlement.

TB: Yes, of course. I’m down with that, obviously [attempts a complicated handshake with Snoop. Snoop declines].

SD: You need to get Bush to move on this, him and Condolizzle, got to do the bizzle.

TB: Well I am hoping to persuade them to take a more …

SD: Can’t be the president’s bitch all the time.

TB: Look, I don’t think it’s fair to say I’m his bitch. I find the insinuation, frankly, rather whack.

SD: Time to rethink the whole strategizzle, put together a new agenda on poverty, trade, climate, whatever. All that shit.

TB: Which is, I think you’ll find, more or less what I told the World Affairs Council just …

SD: The World Affairs Council is WAC. Marinate on that, prime mizzle.

TB: Obviously I’ll be marinating on a lot of things between now and … perhaps you’d like to come to Britain in the near future to discuss these ideas further, perhaps speak at the party conference like my close personal friend Bono.

SD: No can do. My boyz got into it at Heathrow duty-free and I been banned.

TB: That was you? You’re Ice T?

SD: I’m a Diet Sprite actually, but if you’re goin to the bar …

[The prime minister leaves to talk to Vidal Sassoon]

Nicked from here.

You’ve got to love this little girl. What a woman she’ll make! A teacher asked her class, “What do you want out of life?”
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, “All I want out life is four little animals, just like my Mother always says.” The teacher asked, “Really and what four little animals would that be?”

The little girl said, “A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for it all.”

Click here !!

 One proposition I have not had the courage to tackle in a ‘rational’ manner in the last couple of weeks is: “choose between me and Liverpool”. As most husbands would agree with me, the intimidating manner in which such ultimatum is usually posed leaves no room for any unpalatable decision.

But perhaps to prevent further trouble, especially in the coming crucial month, some husbands have got together and come up with this memo which I recommend to our darling wives. So that there may be peace in our homes:
From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of every newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be totally ignored.

• During the World Cup, the television is for us, your husbands, at all times, without any exceptions. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, we don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting us. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, we won’t even see you and please make sure you put clothes on right after. Because if you catch a cold, we won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you lest we miss the next important match.

• During the games we will be blind, deaf and dumb, unless we require a refill of our drinks or need something to eat. We know you would not, at this most crucial period, expect us to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor….It won’t happen!

• You are welcome to sit with us to watch one game and you can talk to us during half-time but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half-time score is favourable. In addition, please note that we say ‘one’ game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse that we ‘spend time together’.

• The daily World Cup highlights shown on TV every night are just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying ‘but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?’ We don’t care if we have seen them or we haven’t seen them, we want to see them again. Many times.

• Please, inform your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that require our attendance because: a) we will not go, b) we will not go, and c) we will not go!
  But, if a friend of ours invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every four years”. We are immune to these words. Because after the World Cup comes the Champions League, English Premiership, Spanish La Liga, Italian League, CAF Champions League, CAF Cup, Copa Liberterdores, WAFU CUP, COSAFA Castle Cup…

Nicked this from my man Luminous.

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business.”I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

“Excuse me?” the young accountant said.

“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”

“I see,” the young accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”

“I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars.”

“Eighty-five thousand dollars!” the young man exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”

“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”